:(

Gatau kenapa tiba-tiba pengen ngeblog. Now i'm having random feeling. Sekarang gue udah mahasiswa ya:') ga kerasa gitu kayaknya dulu gue baru aja masuk tk, eh sekarang udah kuliah, bentar lagi nyari kerja, nikah, nerusin hidup. Time flies so fast, isn't it right? Dulu gausah mikir buat kedepannya eh sekarang harus udah mikir sehari kedepan aja susah banget. Dari nyari kuliah yang gue bela-belain ptn and finally i got a chair at airlangga. Mau tau gimana surabaya? Mataharinya ada tiga bor sampe jidat gue gosong pulang ke jakarta lagi great. Terus gue pisah sama temen-temen gue pada mencar semua........yeah i considered this was the hardest part. Kalo dulunya gue suka jalan-jalan sama mereka eh sekarang pisah, pisahnya kemana-mana lagi jauh-jauh gitu. Dan sekarang gue mulai kangen, i miss all of people that have met me. Siapapun. Tiba-tiba aja gitu feeling ini dateng, kangen temen tk, sd, smp, sma, sepermainan, satu les, sepanggung konser, sekenalan, seajeb-ajeb, kangen semua:( i'm not the kind of girl who talkative when you first meet me but i'm the kind of girl who miss all of people in my life whoever you are. Beneran. And finally i have to let them go one by one. Because nothing in this life will be last forever, i know it. And then you met another people who rebuild you and make you know who will be leave and be a friend. Gak cuma itu doang, you meet the real life who teach you to strengthen you, to be tough. And all you need is to prepare all you weapons to fight the real war, you versus the world. It sounds like cheesy but true, life must go on. Masih agak ga real sih pisah-pisah gini tapi someday yaaa our life will be classic story when we meet again:')

The Positive of Losing Phone

Today was unpredictable. Hari ini cuma ada lomba doang di sekokah, jadi gue udah planning buat bangun siang. Sampe di tanggasekolah udah ketemu kambing, seneng sih...............but I feel a little bit awkward because of the-day-when-yeah-you-know-what-happened-at-21 kan? Jadi sekarang kalo ketemu dia awkward gitu, mau ngomong juga gatau apa yang mau diomongin. But I've tried to make him talk to me, walaupun he didn't. Yaudahlah, gak jodoh. Gue udah tau hari ini bakal jadi hari gabut nasional. Gue mau kabur tapi dijagain. Tapi waktu lomba, one of the satpams was watching seriously the game so I and my friends turned to canteen, alibi beli sesuatu tapi akhirnya we did it: escaped! Bahahahaha lucu abis deh itu gue mau ngakak gila. Pake mobil elvv langsung caps ke mcd. Di mcd, some of my friends were waiting for us. Di mcd duduk-duduk dulu bentar abis itu jengjet, karokean. Lagi. Aduh kayaknya gue udah tiga hari berturut-turut karokean eh sekarang dihajar lagi. Nah gue naro tas di sebelah tv dengan hp tergeletak. Secara gak sadar gue nyanyi-nyanyi and I didn't make attention to my phone when mas-mas lagi benerin stereo. Yaudah bablas deh hp gue dan gue baru sadar waktu mau balik. Gue sih gak pernah masalahin hp gue ilang, tapi yg buat nangis itu cuma foto, lagu, notes, sama passwordnya doang:'( but never mind, let it go ajalah. Mungkin emang semesta mengizinkan gue ganti hp, mana bb gue udah bapuk gitu. Udah gitu ini H-13 UN!!!! Maybe God wants me to study hard for it, fight for ptn. All I want now is just Unpad. #mahasiswisuksesunpad2013. In the name of Jesus. Yeah it's my positive thinking. After that I will crave to dad for iPhone:p

21

March 21st, he's going to 20. Pretty old I think. And one thing in my mind is giving him a surprise, crazy thought but I bet I will do. Now I have been searching for gift, and cake. Jadi mau ngesurprisin dia after school gitu and wait to see him arrive at home and then I give it. And the problem is................gue terlalu gila buat ngelakuin ini semua. Gue gak begitu deket sama dia eh tiba-tiba main ngasih dia surprise gitu. But my friends support me to do this, yeah they're more than crazy. Yak the first thing I thought after I got home is writing in this blog. Gue emang gak akan ngebatalin this surprise but malunya itu looooooh. Gini nih kronologisnya: kan dia pulang bareng cicak dan tiw nah biar tiw gak ikut campur dan jadi congor, gue nunggu kambing sampe bener-bener udah di rumah. And then I bring the cake with his friends.......after that I will give the gift. And if I dare enough, I will tell him about my feeling. Hopefully I will but actually I shame. Oh ya. I wanna share something. Semenjak anak-anak satu kelas ngecengin gue sama kambing, gue ngerasa jadi awkward gitu, mau ngomong tapi malu. Apalagi setelah kejadian nay dinasehatin sama dia waktu praktek aerobik itu. Makin melting gue. Today I almost didn't talk to him, gatau takut kali ya gue padahal dianya biasa aja. Terus nay bilang kalo sikapnya kambing ke gue tuh beda sama sikap kambing ke cewe-cewe yang lain. Tapi bisa jadi kan gara-gara dia pengen ngehindarin gue takut dikira php? Yeah, I don't know. Only God knows. Dan sekarang I don't want to fall deep again 'cause it hurts, you know. Let it all go, what's yours will be yours right? And here I go...a period of loving you, even if it's true or not. Hahahahahahahaha apasih gue-_-

Paul Iacono

Anggep gue udah move on dari monyet karena kambing. Hari ini bener-bener hari gila 2013. Jadi nay udah ngungkapin semuanya ke kodok, dan hari ini gue sama nay ngegalauin kambing sama kodok. Nay ngerasa ngeganggu kehidupannya kodok jadi hari ini dia niatnya nelpon kodok buat nanya soal postnya kodok kemaren sedangkan gue emang lagi pengen aja ngegalauin kambing. Terus gue sama nay sepakat buat janji kalo nay nelpon kodok gue akan nelpon kambing. Karena nay udah nelpon kodok walau kodok bilang blm tentu bakal bales lagi karena dia lagi sama temen-temennya mau gak mau gue harus nelpon kambing kan? Yaudah gue nyari cara buat nelpon kambing. Nay punya ide, dia nelpon kambing dr hp kakeknya abis itu nanya soal bahan pkn buat senin terus sengaja telponnya ditutup baru deh nelpon dari hp gue conference. Abis kesambung sama nay sama kambing, gue pertama kicep sumpah. Abis nay nyebut nama gue baru deh gue alesan dari kamar mandi terus sok sok ngebahas soal buku pkn gue yang ilang tiba-tiba gajelas gitu. Dan emang gak jodoh ya, sinyal di rumah gue emang jelek alhasil putus-putus gitu telponnya. Karena putus-putus gitu jadinya nay kesel terus telponnya ditutup, yaudah kambing juga ikutan nutup telpon. Gue kesel dong kenapa semuanya tiba-tiba mati gitu yaudah gue telpon lagi aja itu dua makhluk, eh dua-duanya juga gak ngangkat. Waktu gue beraniin telpon kambing, dia gak ngangkat mungkin males kali ya ngomong sama gue. Waktu gue nelpon nay dia gak ngangkat karena dia ditelpon bokapnya. Akhirnya gue ngomong kan ke nay kalo gue nelpon kambing lagi, tapi kata nay itu malah bikin gue makin ketauan suka sama kambing. Yaudah deh fix gue gak ngerti lagi gimana. Nomor hp gue udah tercemar, gue malu fix. Gue gatau nanti hari senin jadi kayak gimana kalo ketemu sama kambing pastiiiii malu banget. Dan malem ini entah gue harus ngapain yang pasti gue masih galau banget mampus campur malu juga.

Third year.

A year with struggle. Yeah, get a great university, work hard, fight for national exams. GO FIGHT WIN!

Fall. Apart.

This is the situation I hate the most........I have promised to let go but in fact I still can't. Too selfish I think I am, keras kepala juga. Situasi udah berubah dan gue tetep pengen semuanya kayak dulu waktu semuanya gak kayak gini. Tapi begonya gue masih ngarep orang bego. Padahal gue tau dia&segala tentang dia tapi tetep aja gabisa. Emang semuanya butuh waktu&buat gue butuh waktu lama to heal this. &Tuhan emang udah buat semua seperti mauNya, dia pergi dengan cara yang mendadak ini mungkin jadi jalan satu-satunya, walaupun sakit rasanya ditinggal dalam keadaan kangen. Dia punya hidup, &you are not the only thing in his life. Jangan jadi orang egois, you still have a freedom, you know, God still busy write my love story.

Untitled.

So...hey! Entah kenapa gue sekarang merasa setiap hari jadi useless&I don't have a spirit like I used to have. Semakin males sekolah, semakin males belajar, semakin ingin tidur aja di rumah terus gak bangun-bangun. Bukannya struggle for national exams but I just don't do something. Like I want to sleep&never wake up again. Maybe I'm still living in my past&don't want to look forward. I wish I would get my spirit again, &I wish everything would be still alright to God.

Have you prayed about it as much as you've talked about it?

Matthew 21:22

Super panic!

I have been slept for 2hours&I have been let my skype still being on. &when I woke up to check it I just called him&her in the same time...........panik gaksih? Waktu gue tidur tabnya ada di bapake&he said he didn't use my skype. Sebelum dipake bokap kayaknya sih dipake ije but he said the same words too. Yaudah karena "her" masih on gue tanya sama doi, and luckily she said she didn't receive the call notify from me. So I thought "he" wouldn't receive too. Bagus deh biar gue gak dikira nyari2.

Time flies, people change, memories don't.

If I told you I could give these up, I lied. Honestly, I just miss my old times, just want to go back to the times that made my life so happy but just can't, including the times when I was with you closely. Because even time flies so fast&people change, memories still be a place for us to remember even if we can't stay forever. &you have made me in love with you. I have been heard Untitled by Maliq for this one day&I didn't get bored. I can't hold you more tight again because I'm just wasting my time, like I'm waiting for nothing. I have given up but I'm still hoping that you would do the same with me, yes, chasing me. But you didn't.

Colors.

I don't know why I wanna post this but I am interesting about colors, and yeah when I went to bookstore with my friend 3 days ago to buy some tools for her drawing class I just found some cool color names:

Cadmium. Barium. Canary. Acid. Napoli. Mignonette. Chartreuse. Anise. Celadon. Putty. Nile. Veronese. Malachite. Verdigris. Teal. Flagstone. Frost. Tahitian. Robin's Egg. Cyanine. Lapis Lazuli. Phthalo. Manganise. Ultramarine. Mahogany. Antwerp. Burnt Sienna. Bereley Beige. Suntan. Redwood. Caribe Cocoa. Burnt Umber. Brick Beige. Dull Ivory. Lionet. Hydrangea. Mauve. Crimson. Ochre. Cerise. Sardonyx. Prussian. Agate. Maize. Fluorite. Vermilion. Clematis. Stratospheric. Cashmere. Prune. Marigold.

Some of those names covered with some colors that we have known, like Frost Blue, Cadmium Red, et cetera. I love Mauve&Lapis Lazuli.

Learn to let him go, wino. He's not yours. Let God busy writing your love story. Think about the perfect guy that God give to you sooner.

The worst feelings.

When you bored as hell.
When you have a big crush on someone&you can't lie that you love his smile&his silly&his freaking attitude.
When you want a little bit refreshing  but you can't do it because some reasons that make you are so busy.
When you have an appointment but it hasn't done.
When you can't go anywhere because your parents tell you to study for better future.
When you have some options that make you feel dizzy about study abroad.
When you give up on someone who gives you no decision.
When you miss that guy who makes you feel annoyed because he is pretending to be a stupid person.
When you are compared by somebody with a person from different culture.
When you still check your phone but you realize that he isn't there.
When you stuck on memories he made.
When you are like not needed by everybody.
When you realized the only way was moved forward.
When you feel so alone.
When you have to get something you struggled but it just was gotten.
When you caught a conversation between our crush with another girl in midnight.
When you ended up your conversation with him because you have given up&you have promised you didn't want to hurt yourself anymore.
When you know you are so exaggeration in limit.
When you are blamed by a person but not depend on your fault&you just keep your mouth not because you can't defend but you are tired to shut their mouth, just wasting your time.
When you get attention by ignoring but they are ignoring you too&it's not fair.
When you have been waiting God's answers.
When you are too selfish but you have a big compassion.

Postviewer

Who stalks my page? kalo yang soal curhat curhat gitu banyak yang liat kalo yang gak begitu penting kaga diliat.........................& dash doesn't give information about postviewers-_- nyeh.

Last day of June

Like I said previous days ago, and yeah..................this is the deadline woohoooooooo. All my feelings aren't entirely changed but I can move forward soon. Goodbye June!

Beyi!

How cute you are!

Wrong Zayn

Both of us.

I wish I was strong enough

To lift not one but both of us

Someday I will be strong enough

To lift not one but both of us

B.o.B. featuring Taylor Swift - Both of us 

Random thoughts about you

She moves in her own way.

Yes. She moves in her own way by the Kooks. Udah janji kalo this end of june gue bakal move on. Udah capek sama semuanya. Udah capek ngejar lo yang gatau sampe kapan begini terus. Udah capek nungguin lo bales. Udah capek digantungin. Udah capek sama kebegoan lo yang jelas jelas udah jelas gue itu suka sama lo bahkan sampe lo diajak ngobrol sama temen gue supaya jadi. Udah capek sama every negative thoughts about you everyday. Udak capek mikirin lo. Udah capek.
Iya, mungkin lo terlalu baik. Lo yang terlalu baik sama semua cewe mungkin. Lo yang cuma mencari pelarian. Lo yang mungkin masih nginget ex-lo. Lo yang terlalu banyak acara&urusan yang gajelas yang gue gak ngerti juga. Lo yang udah buat gue jatuh cinta sebegitunya. Like I would stuck forever on you.
We're never meant to be, I think. I'm too selfish&you're too careless. I'm too agressive&you're too passive. Yeah, God gives me deadline of loving you. &maybe you're not mine. "Let him go. If he is back he's yours but if he is not, God will give the right guy soon." But, just so you know I will never regret for loving you, you're a kind person&your smile is so deadly beautiful. Oh, may God bless your life. &thanks for all the memories you gave, have a great life soon after you're moving to that country on August. I have one month to prepare all:) hope you don't forget me then.